Go Tell the Spartans…

Go Tell the Spartans…
By Gavin DeFreese - Contributing Editor
03/11/07


that a tale of bravery and the price of freedom, a film about an innovative culture that birthed democracy will not be looked upon kindly by "progressive" movie critics. But wait, I will get back to the big-city boobs after I give you the low down on Zack Snyder's rendition of Frank Miller's graphic novel 300 that chronicles the ancient battle of Thermopylae.

I wasn't a big fan of the graphic novels and comic books for which Frank Miller is famous. In fact, I never had heard of the guy until I watched the movie adaptation of Frank Miller's Sin City. I was holed up in my bedroom with a sinus infection, there was a storm raging outside, and I was too tired to sleep so I purchased this odd looking movie thinking it might distract me from my misery. It proved to be more than distracting; it was downright stimulating and uniquely entertaining. The super-sized visualization of all things human, both good and bad but mostly bad, was portrayed so stunningly by the CGI enhanced characters of Basin City that I could have enjoyed the movie even without sound.

I am an avid fan of pulp fiction, paperbacks that is, so I can imagine it is the same thrill and pace of my beloved space operas, science fiction, fantasy, and futuristic military epics that Frank Miller's fans must love about his work. Classical literature is great if you want to ponder life and the mundane, but give me a Harry Dresden, Drizzt Do'Urden, or an Honor Harrington to stimulate my imagination and for an hour or two of escapism any day. These books are meant to be read as if one is participating, at a break neck speed and with raw emotion. Taken in at 100 to 200 page bursts with little long term retention, experienced instead of studied, and enjoyed for what they evoke emotionally, not mentally. Sin City revved up the same emotional treadmill I get from pulp fiction through its cinematography instead of words. 300 cranks its up a notch, straps you into a breastplate, slaps a xiphos into your hand, and hurls you into the bloody Battle of Thermopylae and the famous stand of the Spartans.

If you do not already know the story, then I recommend catching the History Channel's Last Stand of the 300 for a great presentation of one of history's most memorable battles. Here's the gist, 300 Spartans fight hundreds of thousands of Persians in an Alamo-like stand that can only end one way and does, but not before the Spartans put an old fashion thrashing on the much larger force. 300 has a narrator that sounds like he could be reading the text blocks of Miller's novel, and much is explained in this manner from the unique habits of the Spartan warrior culture to the events leading up to the battle. Little of the story is conveyed by the characters, they are there instead
for emotional investment and to pull you into the action. The Spartans are portrayed in the movie as they are drawn Miller; half naked, sculpted pecs, brusque, manly and loud. The Persians are done the same, yet in a grotesque Baron Harkonnen-ish fashion that makes you hate them just as much as you're perversely fascinated. They clash on the CGI sculpted Thermopylae pass in an almost historically accurate (minus the Hollywood bells and whistles) brutal and bloody battle that is artfully choreographed. The blood and severed limbs enhance
ones enjoyment instead of distracting or serving merely as shock value. I know, that's sounds horrible, but it's true!

That is the beauty of this movie.

The lines are cleanly drawn, the Spartans are good and the Persians are bad. One need not waste any grey matter on moral relativism; just pick up a spear and fight! You have freedom and bravery on one side and submission and wickedness on the other. The good guys have all the right one-liners and the bad guys just sneer and look sinister. The movie is almost two hours long, yet it is so fun and engrossing that it feels more like thirty minutes. The end is historically inevitable, but never fear, it is still inspiring and uplifting. There is more to the movie than the battle, yet the rest follows the same line of good versus evil with the bad guys getting their just desserts. And now to get back to the big city boobs who ballyhooed this movie here, here, and here. Take my advice guys, the less you try to make everything a sexual, political, cultural, or racial issue the more likely we will all better get along. If you watched this movie and thought "they shouldn't be dogging the men from NAMBLA" or "not all heroes are white" then you missed the whole point of going to this movie. This movie is meant to be a wild ride that gets your juices pumping, not an analogy for modern day issues. So if you are intent on taking away my visceral, visual, and just plain fun film pleasures then I say… Molon Labe!.